Suzanne Somers & Raw Milk Manufacturers Partner to Feature Missing Inner Children on Milk Bottles
In a unique effort to create "less mucus and less worry in the world" the Raw Milk Manufacturers of America announced that they would begin posting pictures of Missing Inner Children on their glass bottles beginning this summer. The new effort is the result of a nearly two year lobbying... READ MORE

Conference Board Announces New Consumer Shoplifting Index
The Conference Board, best known for its Consumer Confidence Index announced today that in response to “increasingly recession panicked soccer Moms, meth heads, bonus-less Wall Street traders and nearly everybody f-ing else” it would begin tracking consumer shoplifting habits. Unlike the... READ MORE

Streisand's I'll Be Home For Ramadan CD to be Promoted by Near East Foods
Quaker Foods Near East brand announced today that the company would be offering free downloads of Barbra Streisand's soon to be released I'll Be Home For Ramadan CD. The announcement came just one week after the noted Semitic Songstress unveiled her new effort. According to the press release... READ MORE

New York City and Garbanzo Bean Growers Announce Plan to Fuel Taxicabs on New FalafelFuel
In a press conference at New York's City Hall, Mayor Michael Bloomberg, Taxi & Limousine Commissioner Matthew W. Daus and Norharvest Bean Growers Association Norbert Johannson unveiled a plan to fuel all taxicabs and car service vehicles in the city on a new bio-fuel made from garbanzo beans.... READ MORE

John Wayne Airport to Be Renamed After Dr. Bronner
In a surprise move, the Orange County Board of Supervisors voted unanimously to rename the John Wayne Airport after spiritualist and soap maker, Dr. Emmanuel Bronner. Citing the soap maker's longstanding commitment to the tingle factor, as well as his uncannily irresistible and indecipherable... READ MORE

Pom Brings Antioxidant Power to the Toilet Bowl
Not too long ago, the only people who ever bought pomegranates were either marinating lamb or decorating their house for the holidays. Well, thanks to the folks at Pom Wonderful, pomegranate is more popular than a drug dealer in small town America. But things just got better with the... READ MORE

Mac & Cheese Icon Bernie Weds Hello Kitty
Wedding bells were ringing in an undisclosed Northern California location as famed product icons Bernie the Rabbit and Hello Kitty wed. Bernie, the famous spokes model for Annie's Homegrown, and Kitty famed product icon for San Rio are honeymooning at an undisclosed location. Famed muppet Miss... READ MORE

Barley Malt Liberation Front Protests Heat Up
Jim Crotty of The Crotty Farm report notes that Whole Foods Markets is the intended target as the Barley Malt Liberation Front (BMLF) intends to "expose the deterioration of standards by Whole Foods in an attempt to appease corporate backers and gain a larger share of those gourmet loving yuppies... READ MORE

Andrew Weil Unveils Line of Socks
Declaring "I wish to follow the path created by Pierre Cardin who put his name on anything he could" Andrew Weil unveiled his latest line of products on Valentine's Day. Tossing off his Birkenstock’s, Dr. Weil showed off his socks, just one of the 12 styles under Dr.... READ MORE

Ask The Buyer By Gene Fieldstone
Dear Gene, I arrived early for my 8:30 am appointment after flying in on the red eye. By 10:15 I had finished two expense reports and compiling notes for the launch of our new Chipotle Wasabi Merlot Mustard Zing Sauce. An hour later the buyer emerged and yelled "What the &*%$ are you still... READ MORE

Hey Folks, Its Only Food!
Hey Folks, Its Only Food! After all most of the world is lucky to get more than one meal a day. We get to complain about Whole Foods. Perspective is everything. And while we know that Coca Cola's ravenous empire is destroying more than the good teeth of America's children, we also know that... READ MORE

Barnum Industries Innovates Market Research
The Greatest thing in Market Research since the Abacus. Natural Products Industry Predict-O-Meter ® Barnum Industries Announces the Greatest thing in Market Research since the Abacus. Natural Products Industry Predict-O-Meter ® Based On Sound Research Methods Including: --Years Of... READ MORE